Permisson-seeking behavior

Quote:

“I have the power to create. My power is so strong that whatever I believe comes true (p. 8)” in The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz

Danny Gives You Permission To Just Do It.

My advice is to encourage you to take action, do good deeds, and create a better world. And, you’ve already got permission to do it. I grant you permission today! (Laugh aloud). Actually, you’ll need to grant yourself permission to do good, loving deeds.

Self-Assessment Test:

There is a test which the individual is asked to identify qualities he dislikes in others and qualities he likes in others. The purpose of this test is to discover qualities that you really dislike or like in yourself.

Story About Seeking Permission:

On Sunday, November 8th, I stopped at a Speedway Gas Station to fill my car up. I always shop at Speedway because I’m on their behavior-modification plan. I get points each time I fill up my car or get a coffee. These points can be used to get free coffee or gift certificates to fun places like Barns and Noble Books.

There was a young boy pumping gas across from me. He said something that I dislike. I felt grossed out about his behavior. I realized that I personally didn’t like this quality in myself. Keep reading to discover what that exact quality really is.

I overheard the boy said, “Hello,” to a man who was getting ready to pump gas. The boy said, “Can I please buy your gas today.” I was shocked to hear this statement. It seemed like a nice gesture. I was secretly thinking, you can pay for mine. (Laugh aloud). The other man said, “no, you don’t have to do that.” The boys continued seeking permission to buy his gas. The boy said, “I’m a Christian and I want to do good things to help people, please let me buy your gas.” The man finally let in and allowed the boy to buy his gas.

I feel pleased and happy that people are doing good deeds in the world. I think that is awesome. It’s wonderful. It is great. Of course, I don’t have a problem with that.

However, I am disgusted by the permission seeking behavior to do good deeds. I noticed that he said words like, “can I,” and “please let me.” Something about these words permission seeking words repulses me.

Self-Reflection:

I recalled the self-assessment test that I had taken sometime during the last decade and remembered that when I don’t like qualities or behaviors in others that I really dislike these qualities in myself.

I had an “ah-ha” moment of self-discovery. I don’t like “permission-seeking behaviors” in myself. People who seek permission often have an issue with giving away their personal power. I feel that I may have this problem myself. The good news is that at least I’m self-aware and I don’t have to live another day this way. It is my life and I’m in control.

Here is another example that I felt disgusted by: A patient who I worked with [about a year ago] asked me, “Danny, can I have permission to assert myself to a peer?” Apparently his peer had done something offensive or had broken some personal boundary.

I felt disgusted that the boy had to ask me permission to be assertive. By asking permission, the boy was being passive. He was giving away all of his power to someone in authority. I now had the power to say, “no, you can’t assert yourself” or, I could have said, “Yes, you can.” Does a person need permission to be assertive and to stand-up for himself? I don’t think so.

Does a person need permission to do anything, especially if it is a good-deed?

The Problem With Permission-Seeking Behavior:

Permission is associated with authority. The person in control grants permission. So, who is in control of your life? Are you in the driver’s seat? Are you in control? Or, are you asking permission from someone else (giving them control and power over your life?)

Personal Experience:

I’m going to share a personal story here. I found an attractive woman who I enjoyed spending time with (while on a trip). She was awesome. We went out a few times. We talked and have fun. She smiled and laughed. It was wonderful.

Before leaving, I asked permission to call her. She laughed and looked at me funny and mocked me back, “can you call me?” I immediately felt that I shouldn’t be asking because now I had given all of my personal power away.

If I had to do it over again, I would have just said, “hey, I had a wonderful time with you and I’ll be calling you in a couple of days so we can talk more.” I would have acted more with personal power, confidence and authority (without interfering with her personal rights, of course).

That would have worked. Asking is needy I feel disgusted with needy people. (another quality I sometimes dislike in myself). They suck attention and energy from people. I refer to them as emotional vampires.

I wasn’t coming from a position of trying to take or get something from her. By calling her, I would have come from a position of giving (not taking). I’m not arrogant, but I’m certain I would have continued to give her stimulating conversation.

Of course, “no means no” and that is to be respected. I’m not advocating for people to just do things. If she didn’t want me to call, she would have said, “stop calling me,” or would have just stopped answering calls.

Advice to Take Home:

People have personal power. They’re free to do whatever they want, as long as they don’t violate the rights of others. Of course, I’m not telling people to be offensive.

People don’t need to ask permission to do good deeds. Wait, let me turn that around and put a more positive slant on it. Opposed to saying “don’t,” I’ll just tell you to “Just Do It,” like Nike. Just do good, loving, kind deeds.

Go do something wonderful today.