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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Who Else Wants to Learn About Love?

I had just written a blog entry for Lauren Oliver’s upcoming novel Delirium where “love” becomes a sickness that people have.
But in this blog entry I’ll discuss how Love is a DRUG.

I’m a big fan of Dr. Helen Fisher.

Her new book: Why him? Why her? How to find and keep lasting love is on relationships.

Fisher writes in an easy-to-read fashion.

Basically, in her book she explains four types of personalities in book:

• Builders – they like tradition and values
• Explorers – they like adventure
• Directors – they are logical and analytical.
• Negotiators – they value harmony

You really can tell a lot about a person from the book on her (or his) shelf.

Fisher shows a book cover in one question for the personality test. It shows a man and a woman on a balcony. It is sunny. The man is walking away from the woman. The question asks the test-taker to select one title out of four.

Title # 1: Adventures on the Rhine -- was selected by explorers
Title # 2: Anatomy of Frienship -- was selected by builders
Title # 3: Power Plays -- was selected by directors
Title # 4: Things Left Unsaid -- was selected by Negotiators. (And yes, I clicked this one on the quiz).

So, if you like a woman then just ask her to pick a title for your next book. (Laugh aloud). This is easy for me since I'm an author. You'll know right away which of the four personalities she is by the choice of her title. If you're an outgoing adventurer and a woman says she'd name the book anatomy of friendship, then you'd know she values tradition, family, and community and she might not be up for adventure all the time.

These four personalities are similar to the Myers-Briggs personality indicator or the Keirsey personality temperament scale.

Fisher says reminds of two familiar mottos about love:
a.) Birds of a feather flock together; and b.) Opposites attract.

Fisher believes that builders flock with other builders. Explorers like to be with other explores.
However, she claims that opposites attract when it comes to Directors and Negotiators.

I took her personality quiz. I’m a Negotiator with a minor in Exploring. I thought oh no, I’ll never find true love. (laugh aloud). I personally don’t enjoy being around people with the director personality, although her test suggests that I should be compatible with a director. They’re rational thinking is often a bummer for my idealistic world views.

A director would think I’m too hopeful or unrealistic. I don’t enjoy their views. But Fisher would suggest a director – negotiator relationship could help bring balance to each other’s lives.
I’m often attracted to women who are explorers, but I get worn down because I am an introvert in nature. I date them often, but they get bored with me because I’m not 100% adventurer.
I admit that I feel most attracted to women who are builders, which seems to be a contradiction to Fisher’s idea of negotiators and builders. However, Fisher does suggest there are potential benefits for a negotiator – builder relationship.

Of course Fisher also suggests other factors for love including: proximity – being around someone and being at the right place at the right time.

Want to learn about love? Lous Pasteur had written that “Chance favors the prepared mind.” You may want to prepare yourself by reading this book before you jump into a relationship.
Here is an interview with Fisher on youtube:

Here is the link:

You may also be interested in this book:

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